"懂得遗忘的人找到自由".

很多时候，我们以为我们已经原谅了别人，也原谅了自己。可是一旦触碰到那道在心上的疤时，又有几个可以真的忘记发生过的事？

我就是那种"forgive but not forget" 的人。所以，心里有一座垃圾山，堆满的就是一些自己或别人的烂账。所谓的"forgive" 也变得很superficial. 这样下去，难过的只有自己。

所以，唯一解脱的方法就是真的原谅与放弃。只有这样，下一次就算有人又在掀开你任何一条烂账、苍疤时，你也能够一笑置之，不再害怕、难过。懂得如何不再执著，才可以忘记与放弃。正如 Ginger 说的, "懂得遗忘的人找到自由", 就是这个意思吧？

我一定要学会遗忘与原谅，only then I can move on and enjoy my life. 你也有烂账堆在心理吗？快点解决它吧。

Vexed

it's like going thru another period of adolescence. I am starting to ask myself all over again: who am I? what do I wanna be? what do I reali want in life? is this correct? why am I so confused? I'm reali tired of being me. at 30 yrs old.

I tend to hate myself a little more aft each major argument or incident i had with colleagues or friends. thank god it dun happened everyday, but it has accumulated over the yrs, and now i think it's begining to decay my soul. and wat's worse - i can see n feel the decay. it's painful... no. it's not the argument itself. but alot of "i shd hv avoided it/ shd hv done tt/ it's my fault" thing. i knw its not healthy, but like everyone say "u need to knw how to cover ur own arse". but i'm simply too short-sighted and always run into faults. can someone juz tell me wat's wrong with me?? u knw? i've been fallin-down, got up, tell myself it's ok, but i fell again, n again. its a vicious cycle. how do i break thru??

• wld changing a new job environment help? i dunno.
• if i ever go, is it a form of escaping? maybe.
• maybe i've lost my passion
• maybe training industry is not whr i wanna be
• i knw, i shd take my degree n upgrade myself... but
• but i reali hate to study. those Statistics & Finance & Econs! Gimme a break... maybe a Dip in some sort of Art/Fashion
• wait, i reali wan to start some cafe with my friends too. but i need to reali plan out this big dream which need big capital

bear with me, but these are the thots tht ran thru my mind again n again everyday. Fear maybe. of failure, of risks of "what-if"s. Damn. Just how do u knw what u want?

whr's the almost perfect job?

everyone says there's nothing such as The Perfect Job. So, is there any Almost Perfect Job?

Met with the Gossipers fr nXf jus now. Here we are, grumbling abt our colleagues, our job scope, our pay, our benefits, our career path... But there might be ppl who doesn't even hv a job; there might be ppl who dun even have the ability to work. wat do they care more then? wld u stil grumble when u r now drawing decent pay and hv ability to support urself as compared to them?

ok, we all hv different levels of needs. but reali, wat's e difference between doing admin in company A vs markting in company B? Wat's the difference between a freelancer and a full-time employee? We will meet with challenges, no matter wat we do. So, does it mean tt it'll be easier if we moved on? wat if we cant deal with it again? ...hate to admit it, but tt's my worst fear. is this a sign of getting too comfortable?

... maybe we jus wanna be less unhappy. Maybe for some, the passion in their work holds them high above everything, against all odds. And holding on to my job is like hanging on to a ex-lover, whom u hope wld turn back around someday, to re-lit tt fire again. maybe it'll work, maybe i'll find someone else soon?

in the meanwhile, i'll stil be around, until i'm clear of wat i want.

Daily Dilbert

I took a look at my future

如果知道以后会很好，你还会放不下现在吗？

that day went for tarot card reading, again. this time w a more interesting numerology element. it was a pretty good reading for me. I was told i have a "shun-shun" life, one of the better ones she has seen. no big ups and downs, and i can be successful in business and will hv happy family when i'm old.

*grinz*

who wouldn't smile at these? Yea! Wonderful! but stil, there are things that we need to go thru, and decisions along the way we need to make. n as we make choices, it all affects the future. complicated. but i'll stick with my motto, "watever you do, do it with no regrets". i'll give my all n best, and hv no apologies abt it. anything. everything.

so... give up on what's no not meant to be. have hope, have dreams n fantasy in tomorrowland. if anything makes u unhappy, learn to take a step back. bahh.... okok. she also say i'm too serious with things. haha...

AND! tomolo's the nite! the long waited Japan trip! wat e~ i cant wait. but ... it's tomorrow?! oh man... will certainly miss my this part of life for a while, and act tourist for 10 days. c",)

n... it always happened b4 i travel. i'll start to miss my family, my room, my friends, my... tiny workstation, my ever-with-incoming-mails inbox. phew.... watever it is, i'll stil say i love my life, i love those around me.

ok, hv a good trip, sally! ur 6 crazy companions wil make it even more memorable!

(i'll post this and go back to work liao. ciao~)

Monday~

今天星期一。好想不上班啊！
现在坐在办公室，GJ 又MC了。我在想，如果当初他没有离开的话，现在会不会快乐一点？

昨天和妹妹去了一趟Bishan，大有收获！买了再也忍不住的《金三顺》。还有换了时不时就罢工的ＤＶＤplayer. 还顺便买了个clip-on earphone, and 排了半个多小时才排到的鸡饭。晚上还看了４集的《三顺》。礼拜天就这样过了。

不看韩剧的人常问，这么多人在追，到底在疯什么？？但韩剧迷一定异口同声地回答，它的魅力就是能够把观众带到剧情里头，typical 的爱情肥皂剧，更是能让人也想好谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱。也只有在韩剧里，才可以遇见又帅又善解人意，有才华，有钱，而且还很爱你的男人！噢。。。

想想《三顺》那么红，是因为它是很多单身女子的梦，而且是很多胖子的写照吧！？嘿。

Pa+Ma & my National Day

*yawn...*

hey there. soli la, its already 11.15pm, cant help but feeling giddy. 've been sitting infront of the PC for at least 6hrs!

mum was arranging the old fotos, and i suddenly feel like sharing it with u guys. always thot my mama looks a tiny bit like our local Zoe Tay (keke... u dun think so also neh-mind). Mama totally knows how to pose infront of camera. And those retro clothes n handbags n shoes! wah rao, eal-ry know i'd hv asked her to keep for me! (then sell... kakaka. joking la)


mummy~

n my pa, i'm happy if my future hubby got half his patience and know-how-to-cook. he's a fairly creative man who appreciates nature. super match with my mum, n they brought us up well. nex life i'll stil wanna be their lui lui again!!! =)


ma n pa, with her wigs; pa n ma dating fotos;.. n the little me~


And. my national day this yr. the same w other PHs. wanted to rest n wake up late but i chose to go 'climb' Bt Timah Hill (Hump??). Hee, anyway, wanted to do this long time ago. I like to walk in the morning freshness of forest. try to exercise abit. dun say i din do anything to loose weight ok! but... we always end up with truly scrumptious meals. we had the killer pratas, roti john, mee goreng n mutabak this time. eh, nice food! u can try someday also. opp Beauty World. And guess wat. even bought a $16 super-nice bermudas at Beauty World! like tt also can~

then in the evening, i went with ma n pa, Yee n uncle to watch fireworks. oh, not at the padang or esplanade hor. but at the top of a multi-storey carpark along Guillemard Rd! dun lauf. look at the crowd. Wat e ~


e patriotic S'poreans

but manage to get some clear view of the flowers. blocked view though. a $38 seat. to me, the more impt thing is tht i'm spending time with these 'elderly gatherings'. brings me back to good old days when we used to stay under the same roof. good to see them =)


e smoke-flowers n e long-time friends

*yawn* ... hv been looking fwd to tomolo. gonna sing for good whole 3+4 hrs again! i hated my singing, but tt's the only avenue for me to release some level of stress n e little secret bit of emotional unbalances.

Ohh...! I havent tell u rite! I'm going to Tokyo n Osaka this Sept 8-18! Man.... waited for 10yrs. N its now less than a mth away. wld it be as wat i imagine? wat's the weather gonna be like? use which bag? bette quickly finish my Survival Japanese ....

n i thank goodness that i'm always blessed to travel with my good friends. the Gossip 5s are going, together with an ex-col Marianne, plus a Jap friend of Hermmy's who'd be joining jus for Osaka. He muz be doubly happy coz he's gonna be meeting he's all time Goddess Madonna. Muz remind him to bring light-sticks... but the other fanatics got use anot? Anyway...

Sis' not back fr her annual fireworks-watching with Namie-chan. Gotta sms her. Ok... what a super long entry... cya~